I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
