i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
