she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
