He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
