My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
