she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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