Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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