i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
