Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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