So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
