And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
