bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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