My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Randomize
