I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
