i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
