a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
