your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
