she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
