I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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