She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
