Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
