Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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