I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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