can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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