I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize