I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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