you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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