i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
