hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
