Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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