allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
