you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
