She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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