You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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