Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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