If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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