I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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