God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
