so let's talk penis.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
