I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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