In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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