I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just high enough for therapy.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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