I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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