Im at strip club and am horny
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Randomize
