two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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