there's paper in my vomit.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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