I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
