8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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