trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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