apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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