i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
