rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You need a sexual gate keeper
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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