I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
