she told me i tasted like america
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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