I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
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"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
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I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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