My cat gives me a boner
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
