thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
