I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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