Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
