So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
