Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
is it fun? or sober?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
