Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You can't special order awesome
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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