Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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