youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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