I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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