I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
