I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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