I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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