Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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