Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
